Can I break the cycle

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Just the other day I realized I may be in a losing situation.  Not living in the moment has left my spirit within the confines of my home. I have to think out loud and way in advance to share my heart and soul. I can not give all of me, in any given moment. I have to premeditate my ideas as if I were to present a case. 

I am the type of individual that want and needs to thrive in the moment. I need to be able to breath in the fresh air of creativity at all time or my candle eventually burns out. The life and light within me has not been given the room to expand. I have been stifled and choked into submission, with no obvious way out of the pickle.  

So what is it exactly that I am talking about? Why am I so lost in my own thoughts? What am I to do? I can not seem to find the answers to this. As I rant on and on, I realize that I am not getting any closer to that one thing that I am looking for. Peace and solace! So what is it that I need to do in order to get that?

Come om dammit someone answer me. Some one, any one, let me know what it is that you are thinking. Are you going through this thing in which I cant seem to spell out. Are you feeling the pinch of life, as I have felt it?

What do I need to do to break the cycle of lost?